Revised Introduction

This blog post contains my introduction from my draft in its original form, and a new version that is written better, as well as an explanation of why new is better.

Tice, Carol. "Handshake Business Blobs." 10/17/15 via Make a Living Writing

My re-done intro has much more content first of all, and is more interesting initially. I used narrative to capture the interest of the audience as soon as possible. My transitions in my middle portion set up the context of the controversy and article better, and transition into my thesis more smoothly. My new intro might be a little long, but I think it is good for the paper.

Original intro:

Toshiba was involved in a huge scandal because they were inflating their profits illegally. One article that was written about this issue is titled Scandal Upends Toshiba’s Lauded Reputation. It was published in The New York Times in July of 2015, and was written by Jonathan Soble. Through in depth discussion regarding the Toshiba scandal, content such as video interviews that provide further understanding, various outside sources, and a credible tone, Soble drives home the argument that Toshiba's valued and storied reputation was tarnished through their business scandal.

New intro:

Maybe something big is happening, so you tune in to watch the news. Maybe it's Sunday and you’re having some beers and watching  football. Maybe you’re writing a paper for a class. Whatever the case, whatever screen you might be using, there is a good chance you’re using a Toshiba device. Toshiba is one of the leading technology companies in the area of TVs, and they dabble with computers, but, for a majority of their consumers, no one really knows what goes on behind the curtain. Much like the Wizard of Oz, when people finally realize what is going on behind the scenes, it is far from the spectacular expectations. 

Recently, Toshiba was involved in a huge scandal because they were inflating their profits illegally. This controversy had widespread effects in the business world, and is a huge issue currently in the field of business and economy. In the aftermath of this controversy the CEO of Toshiba resigned, which was a national issue, and attracted a lot of press. One article that was written about this issue is titled Scandal Upends Toshiba’s Lauded Reputation. It was published in The New York Times in July of 2015, and was written by Jonathan Soble. To discuss this issue and article, I will be rhetorically analyzing it. Soble uses a variety of resources and approaches to emphasize cultural values and ethics in his article.

Through in depth discussion regarding the Toshiba scandal, content such as video interviews that provide further understanding, various outside sources, and a credible tone, Soble drives home the argument that Toshiba's valued and storied reputation was tarnished through their business scandal.